A Thought for Today

When I think too much, I just need to write it all down. To get it off my chest, whatever I’m feeling in the moment. Writing it down allows me to help express myself into written words about what I’m actually feeling. So here it is, another part of me rambling on, Enjoy 🙂

So I am in a relationship to the point where I honestly don’t know what is going on between us. We have loved each other once before and then it ended. But we both never really moved on and now we are at it again. We talk the same, we do the same things and we enjoy each others company just as much as we did before. The only difference is that we don’t see each other as much. I’m not really sure why? Maybe it’s because this is some what casual again. Personally, I don’t really think there should be a difference between “seeing each other” and “dating”. Because really, what difference does it make if you know you wanna be with each other? So thats what I want. I want to be together. I don’t want to pretend anymore that were something that were not. I just want to be together and be happy. I am happier with him. So why not just make it official? This is what I’m having difficulty with, debating whether or not I should bring up these feelings in a discussion. It’s hard confessing what you truly want. Number one: I don’t want to get hurt again. Number two: what if the person doesn’t feel the same way. You have to set yourself up for some kind of failure. I don’t want this person to just be another one, but I want them to be THE one.

I once asked my mom when she knew she wanted to marry my father. She told me that she new from the very first time she met him. She said she just knew, she couldn’t explain it. After their first date, my mother came home that night and told my grandma that she had met the man that she was going to marry one day.
I then proceeded to ask my mother more questions, how? Why? Don’t you have to fall in love first? And again, she responded and said that she just knew my father was “the one”. What does that even feel like!? Am I supposed to just sit around and wait till I meet this guy thats supposedly “the one” and that I’ll instantly know that I wanna marry him? No! I do not believe that it’s that easy. And for all the ones out there that have felt that same feeling as my mother before, well good for you. I’m glad it was that easy for you. But it has never been that easy for me, at least not that I can say. More or less it hasn’t happened yet. There is nothing worse than having that anxious feeling. Wondering if someone feels the same way about you. I don’t know if I’m getting the feeling mixed up with butterflies though, very difficult to tell. Maybe it is love again? And maybe it’s not, I guess I’ll just have to wait and out listen to my heart.

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