Meaningful Regrets

Does Anyone Else Think About This?

You know when somebody says something one time and it may seem really meaningful. But then your not really sure it they truly meant what they said. And then it can make things really confusing and you don’t know how to respond. Cause I know I’ve done this before. So I was wondering if other people have.
Have you ever said something before, almost as a plea, without it necessarily being true to change someone’s mind or to keep someone around?
You are secretly lying and everything your saying is bullshit. But you say it anyways cause you don’t want to lose the person.


Have you ever said something in the moment that you regret?
Cause I do it all the time. I have a hard time expressing myself. And most times it comes out sounding really awkward and stupid, that I almost immediately regret what I said. Sometimes it’s so hard to get out what you really want to say that you just can’t put words together. And maybe you just regret not even saying anything at all. I think that happens to me the most. Not saying what I really want to say and then regretting it later. You can’t really go back and change the moment. But there are so many times I wish I could have. So many times I wish I had the courage to say what I was actually thinking.


Girls Night

Girls night

This evening I had a wonderful night with two of my most fantastic friends in the whole entire world and
of course I considered this an initial “girls night”. Then one of my girlfriends boyfriends asks “what is a girls night anyways? Do you guys talk about boys and then have pillow fights later on”. I found this comment highly amusing. One because there was some truth about it. We will probably talk about boys. And secondly because I really think girl bonding time has two aspects to it. There are two different types of girls nights that all boys need to understand, so I’m going to blog about them both so that boys can understand the difference a little better:

1. Girls night= Staying in
This typical girls night usually consists of us gossiping and chatting away. We may make food and probably munch on some junk food. We will converse non the less probably about boys, sex or other important things in our lives. Advice is exchanged as well as some good laughs and giggles. We will probably watch some overrated chick flick and enjoy it just as much as the first time we watched it together. This kind of night would be what I would refer to as a chill night. And every girl needs one of these every once and awhile.

2. Girls night = Going out
On thus typical girls night, we are getting bombed! We are getting dressed up up the nines in our party dresses and hitting the clubs. This girls night consists of dancing, letting loose having fun! I get wasted on these girls night, cause who else would you want more around than your best girl friends after youve had to many. You can always count on them!

(Not my best post, but something I had to clarify)

What To Do About Love

Afraid of Falling in Love

I believe that many people are afraid of falling in love. It’s one thing I’m terrified of. I have a perfectly good explanation of this fear because I have been hurt repeatedly in the past. Which has bruised and guarded my heart for any emotion that I have ever felt for anyone else since then. I know the reasons why I’m so afraid of moving forward with someone is because I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to take the risk of getting my heart broken again. So I take the easy route, play it safe, keep all my thoughts and feelings to myself. In order to not put myself out there for fear of rejection. I know this is no healthy way to live and the relationship I am in now scares the living shit out of me. I can feel myself falling in love. I don’t really know what to do with these feelings. And I definitely don’t want to express these feelings to him. But isn’t that what I’m afraid of? What if the feeling isn’t reciprocated? Isn’t that part of the fear of letting yourself go. Being confident enough to tell someone your falling in love with them but you can’t really explain why. Strong feelings are taking over me, consuming my every thought. I can feel myself developing feelings for him that I have fought so hard to push back.
It’s turns out this has hurt me more than helped me. Blocking my heart from any source of feeling has given me an ultimatum. One that I might not be able to fix. I am now afraid of not being able to adequately express my feelings in the first stretch of love with this person. I fear that what I’m giving right now is not enough. I know I will have to break down the wall on my heart and face the fear of emotion and let this person in all the way. First step is feeling comfortable which then eludes the fear from it.

Everyone has been hurt atleast once in their lifetime. And if you haven’t? Well.. You can call yourself lucky. Some people move on easier and some people can open up their heart again. It all depends on the individual. If the other person acknowledges that your trying to let them in, then your getting somewhere. This is the point I am at in the relationship I am in now. He wants more from me on an emotional level, he wants me to tell the truth about what I’m feeling. Instead of lying or ignoring these feelings. I know what I’m feeling, like I said I’m falling in love. But when it comes down to it, I can easily write it down on paper. I can easily describe why I love him to someone else. But straight to his face. Right now? I don’t know if I can do that. It almost makes me feel like I’m a coward. If I can’t tell the person that I’m falling in love with them. Then is it even really real? It’s not easy to just blurt out that you love someone. Is it?
Next step is trying to figure out what the other person is actually thinking. Anxiety has now manifested inside my heart . My mind plays through everything that can go wrong if I decide to play any part of this emotional game of breaking down the wall I’ve put up. What if I get hurt all over again?
Right now I need to decide if telling him I love him is worth the risk. It might be cliche to say that I never wanna get my heart broken again in life. And I am truly terrified that it will happen. This feeling called love, I’m afraid of it.

Add your thoughts here… (optional)


Does Certainty really exist?  We wake each morning – the sun rises.  That’s certainly real!  Night falls and another day follows.  I go to the bathroom and the shower is waiting for me.  My toothbrush is right where I left it.  I am certain of that.  I head to the frig and I am certain that I will be out of Half & Half.  I am right.  I think the proof is stacking up in favor of certainty.  What a relief!

But, suddenly everything changes when I awake to find that my muscles no longer remember how to lift me out of bed?  I know with certainty that my toothbrush and shower are waiting for me exactly where I left them last night.  But, I can’t get to the bathroom.  Muscles have memory.  I know that.  So, I wait for them to remember.  With a little coaxing, they begrudgingly accommodate me.  But…

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My Thoughts on Cooking vs Baking

Okay so I am a girl, in my early 20s if you must know. And I have come to the realization that I do not know how to cook at all whatsoever! I have tried cooking dinner a couple of times and in my mind each appetizer and dinner plate that I have ever served has always been a success. But apparently not everyone agrees with me. As nice as some of my friends and previous boyfriends have been they’ve opted for keeping there mouths shut. Commenting that my cooking skills were excellent while they deliberately shoved burnt food in their mouths. There is a point to this post and I am about to get to it. There is a huge difference between cooking and baking. And today I learned that not only am I a bad cook. I’m also a horrible baker. I know I am not the best at either but I thought I’d share my experience of both cooking vs. baking. First off I’d like to say that I’d like to master cooking over baking, I am gonna swing that way. There are more plus’ to cooking than to baking. For instance, when you cook something, anything, you can experiment. There are so many variations of different recipes that you can play with in the kitchen to create your own culinary master dish. You can pretend to be on iron chef and design a whole new dish within an hour time frame, whether it was on purpose or not. There is no need for precise measuring when you cook things. You can tamper with a recipe so it is more suitable for your taste buds, according to the spices or in better terms amount of “salt” you use. Now today, I’ve realized that you can’t play around when your baking. You can’t experiment and change a part of the recipe. You can’t over measure or under measure and lastly make sure you have all the necessary ingredients before you start the entire baking process. It’s much harder making substitutions for other ingredients in the baking world. Overall I’d like to end with saying that I attempted to make chocolate chip cookies today. I googled “chocolate chip chewy cookies” and the results of my cookies were hardened rocks.
Quote on quote “These cookies will make for great paper weights” – anonymous. I will blog about a time when my cooking and baking were a success one day… But right now those skills are in working progress.

Pleasures both good and bad from feeling cold

When you eat icecream or a freezie and your whole body shivers from the simply pleasure you get just from eating the delicious cooling substance in your mouth.
When it feels like the temperature in your mouth drops 10’degrees and your lips still feel cool several minutes later after eating the chilled dessert of choice.
When your standing outside during a snowfall on the corner of the street beside a lamp post in the dark. One minute your thinking how beautiful the scene looks. The snow falling from the sky flickers from the light and you can see tiny cascades and flashes of the snowflakes that the universe created, unique all in one. And that moment lasts for a second, until your reminded of the bitter coldness and the frost that nips at your nose and cheeks as they turn flush red; cold from the weather. As you stuff your hands inside your coat jacket, you march to your destination with full force. Your only motivation is warmth.
When you’ve had a long day and all you wanna do crawl into your bed. Those first few moments are dreadfully cold, goosebumps explode all over your skin. And then your body warms the sheets and your loved one comes to bed. Goodnights and cuddles are exchanged; all the sudden your happy and your warm.
When you get shivers from nervousness, from a lovers touch it, when you hear a beautifully lyrical song or voice. Those shivers are within themselves the sensation of feeling cold. Goosebumps as a result from the joys you can experience turning warm.